Monday, June 18, 2012

Beverly Hills Designer’s New Adidas Shoe With Shackles, Chains Called Racist « CBS Los Angeles

Really America? Really?

This is NOT RACIST.  Just because something reminds you of slavery doesn't mean that it is being used to hold a race of people back.  It doesn't mean that Adidas is being insensitive to our ever increasingly thin American skin.
This is the kind of stuff that turns people off to legitimate racist concerns in America. Pick a real battle people. 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Loose Ends

Long time no post but today is a perfect day for it. When it comes to personal relationships and communication. I hate loose ends. I hate not knowing. I hate unfinished business. I would rather someone tell me that they hate my guts and never want to see me again then to cut me off without a word. In the former, at least I know where we stand. The latter makes my brain work overtime trying to figure out what is going on and exactly what is happening. HATE IT!

I was involved romantically with a person that just left me hanging recently and it is killing me. He had a pattern of doing to this me. The pattern went like this. Woo, Emotional Distance, Argue, Seperate, Apologize, Repeat. Usually between the seperate and apologize would be a concerned call from me going "what's up with you?" He would often try to rationalize his behavior before realizing that I'm a good guy and he jumped to some awful conclusion about me so he needed to apologize and woo me again.

This pattern was recently broken by me when I realized that I was the chain between Seperate and Apologize. During the Seperate phase I would constantly make excuses why he was acting so irrational. Knowing that he had some bad dating history I would be the peace maker and reach out to see what was going on with him. During the course of our conversation he would realize...well, we already covered this.

Recently, it happened again. I think we were on cycle number 3 or 4. We were between Emotional Distance and Argue. Noticing this pattern, I decided to call it out. First, I asked verbally if everything was all right. He was starting to pull away. He assured me that everything was fine. But the distance still grew. He stopped calling and texting even when he said he would. I sent the guy a text with the following message: "What's up? Do u not want to hang with me anymore? If so, just let me know. No hard feelings just please don't leave me hanging." He replied "what's with the dramatics?" I replied back that were no dramatics. I was just being direct. He didn't reply. That was over two weeks ago.

Last night, I had a dream about him. I woke thinking of him.

I won't lie. I still like him but I can't continue this pattern of making him think it is okay to blow me off until I make things right. Especially when you consider that the impetus of it all was his lack of attention towards me. That my crime in the matter was reaching out to ask the simple question, "what's up?"

It is taking every fiber in body not to call, email, or text him today. I really want to know that he is safe. But why should I be so concerned with someone that doesn't have the balls to pick the phone to check on me? Where is the concern for my feelings? Where is the simple courtesy of just saying "You drive me crazy! I don't want to speak to you again."?

Monday, May 10, 2010

Does Your Mama Know?

In honor of Mother's Day, the website Whats the recently posted stories of Black gay men coming out to their mothers. Today I am going to share my story.

I knew I was gay in Kindergarten. I was too young to understand it or even have a name for it but I knew I liked boys better than girls. I struggled with my sexuality for a long time. Religion played a major role in my lack of personal acceptance. Despite all my natural yearnings, I was constantly told that it was unnatural and ungodly. I remember crying during my pubescent years because I thought something was wrong with me and God wouldn't fix it.

In high school, I knew that everyone around me knew I was a big homo but I still tried to date girls as if I was throwing people off-track. During those times, I was embarrassed in gym class because I had all these hormones and feelings happening and no one to talk to about them. At least no one that understood. My church's idea was to pray and lay hands. After the prayers, I would wipe the olive oil cross off my forehead and fantasize about Blair Underwood in Krush Groove.

My college years were more of the same except I was in a long term relationship with a girl. A great girl but still...a girl. She and I were a great couple but I knew that we really didn't have a future because I still fantasized about men. I wanted to commit to her but in the back of my head I kept thinking "I'm going to hurt this woman emotionally one day." Finally, I broke up with her and began the process of dealing with who I really am.

One of the first major steps was moving away from home which consequently meant moving away from my church (a major influence and source of joy and pain for me). My college was in my hometown of Peoria, IL. School, family and church were intertwined.

I was fortunate to go immediately from undergrad to grad school. My first week in DeKalb at Northern Illinois University I was approached by a fellow grad student. He told me, on that beautiful fall day, that he was gay and he thought I was hot. That was the first time I had ever had an open exchange about gay sexuality and dating that didn't involve church/family guilt. He and I started openly dating. I was 21.

Everyone in DeKalb knew me as a gay man but the subject had never been breached with my family. It was liberating. I was a different person but the same person but different but the same (you get the idea, I hope).

I became ill with the flu just after my birthday in November but before the holiday break in December. My boyfriend, Michael, called his mother (a nurse) to ask her what he should do to take care of me. That was the sweetest thing anyone I dated had ever done for me. I remember thinking that if the shoe was on the other foot I couldn't just call my mother up and say, "My boyfriend is sick. What should I do?" It saddened me. I decided to change that.

When the holiday break happened I picked my younger sister, at the time a student at Michigan State University, up from Union Station in Chicago. It was Dec 23rd and during the 2 1/2 hour drive we listened to music and made small talk about school and being away from home. Suddenly, I asked her if she thought I was weird. "No," she said but she mentioned that she thought I was confused about my sexuality. There it was. The thing I was most afraid to address and a family member was actually talking openly to me about it. I told her that I wasn't confused and I told her about Michael, my boyfriend. I decided to myself to come out to Mom as a gift to myself.

I was determined that Christmas to come out to Mom. I waited through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day playing the role I had played my whole life of closeted son. My mother had to work on Dec 26th, the day I chose to go back to DeKalb. I hatched a plan. I would ask her to come home for lunch so I could see her before I took off. It was sort of hit and run but I figured if the talk didn't go so well, at least I would be leaving town.

We sat down in the rarely used front living room and I told her. I told her everything including the story about being ill and Michael calling his mother. I told her that I was sick of not being me and that if she wanted to be a part of my life then she had to see me for who I fully am.

Mom listened attentively and in a very warm and sweet voice told me that she knew I was gay. She had known since I was small child. She said that being a single mother it was difficult for her because she had to be both Mother and Father. She indicated that she was tough on me because she didn't want me to suffer. She told me that she loved me. She said she would always love me.

She had to go back to work and I was headed back to the cornfields of DeKalb. I asked her not to tell anyone at her church. I didn't want people trying to "pray away" what I knew couldn't be changed.

That was twenty years ago. For the record, my mother had her own coming out adjustments that took several years. It took time for her to accept that she was not responsible for my sexuality and that nothing she did could change it. It took time for her to recognize that I was looking for the same thing that my straight siblings and cousins were looking for in a mate. She finally saw me as a whole person whose sexuality was an aspect of my life like my ethnicity. It was. Period.

I can now talk to my mother freely about my life. She accepted my former partner, Steve. She even stayed with us for a long weekend. Steve made me very happy. She was happy that I was happy.

Steve and I broke up but you can never break up with your Mama.

Mama, I love you always.

P.S. Speaking of Gay -

Friday, April 30, 2010

Pot Calling the Racist Black

I was following a meme on Facebook regarding RuPaul's Drag Race when all of sudden one of the posters claimed that RuPaul was a racist. That the only way to win the show was to be black. I was taken back. Had I read that correctly? Was the writer actually accusing a gay show with one of television's few black Host/Executive Producers of racism?

RACISM?!? people making this far fetched accusation need to get an education on racism because they obviously don't understand what the word means. First of all, if the show was racist there probably would have been only people of color/or blacks as contestants. Whites would have been shut out entirely or at least to the barest minimum. So, I think the term these peeps are looking for is "racially biased" which is actually different from racism. And even if they used the term racially biased they would be full of crap.

These reverse racialists (like Tea Party members) quickly forget very recent history. They have forgotten that the first contestant booted from the multi-racial show was a black contestant, Shangela. If the show was truly racially biased then she (as well as Mystique and Sahara) would have been allowed to stay longer so that Ru and other producers could have picked the perfect black woman to win.

No one was a bigger Pandora Boxx and Jujubee fan than I but I don't think it was racism that took them out of the running for the crown.

BTW, Jujubee is not white, I know. I put that in there to remind people that not only those poor white queens lost.

A big part of the puzzle that the "reverse racialists" are missing is that there is 100s of hours of raw show footage. Things we didn't see. They filmed the whole show in probably 4 weeks. When Tyra won the producers and writers (yes, Reality TV has writers) figured out what is the best way to tell the story. It was all manipulated for TV by the producers (including RuPaul). That's how I knew Raven was not going to win. Her edit was clearly one of the fierce but mean girl. Classic storytelling lets us know that mean girls don't win.

We don't know all the thought that went into who was eliminated and who eventually won. so, let it go peeps. it is a Reality TV show, not a Gubernatorial race. And it is NOT RACIST.

Those of us that have experienced true racism are very offended by the idea.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Little Big Dollhouse

Is it just me or is there something inherently funny about toddlers and dogs in jail?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I'm So Jealous of Your Boogie

Last night, I spent two hours talking on the phone with my best friend about RuPaul's Drag Race. It was really serious for us. I'm having DTs since the sizzling finale and the hotter-than-hot reunion show aired. I actually watched both shows twice and will definitely watch the reunion show at least twice more before the week is out.

I'm not sure I can wait for a new season to air. I need Ru and my girls NOW. When does RuPaul's Drag U start? Not familiar...oh then check this out:

Looks fun right? I can't wait. I need me some drag queens!

Sandy B and Our Brown Bundle of Joy

As you can tell by the picture to the left, Sandy B and I have finally had a baby. Now maybe she and I can both find happiness. We can finally be fulfilled as parents since dating/marriage is not working out for either of us.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Rod 2.0:Beta: WATCH: "Enraged" Man Accused of Killing Daughter's Girlfriend

There seems to be more stories about violence committed towards lesbian women lately. I don't know if this is just coincidence or a very disturbing trend.

Rod 2.0:Beta: WATCH: "Enraged" Man Accused of Killing Daughter's Girlfriend