Treasures
I know several actors. I have been one myself for 20 years now. I can't believe it. The summer when I was 15, I got the lead in ANDROCLES AND THE LION. I was ecstatic just to have a role but I got the lead. It didn't occur to me that my role was larger than other cast members. I couldn't believe that I was being paid to act. It was so exciting. Those days of innocence are gone.

Today, however, a very kind actor by the name of Antoine McKay gave me just the biggest compliment today. I won't share it because it made me blush at the time. Frankly, I'm blushing now thinking about the incident. I have such a deep respect for him as a person and as a performer. This guy came to Chicago and has done so well for himself as an actor in just over a year's time. If anyone reading this gets a chance go to see him at The Second City while you can.

His compliment touched me so because it contained the same innocence that I felt when I was 15 playing a Commedia D'ell Arte character in a children's show that toured to Peoria area parks. Thanks Antoine. I will treasure the moment always.

Visit this!

I love the VH1 shows Motormouth and Bands Reunited.

Motormouth basically is a hidden camera show that films people singing and dancing (badly) inside SUVs with satellite radios. Hilarious. I love to watch people in real life singing in their cars. I love when you catch someone completely caught up in a song on their radio or cd player. As the music pulses, they can't help but to get, get, get on down.

Bands Reunited is brilliant. Reuniting bands from the 80s for one last performance for their fans. It is pretty cool. You could probably make a motion picture from the drama that builds as the host tries to reunite bandmates, some who have not spoken to each other in over 15 years. And at the end of it all is a concert by groups I remember like Information Society, Frankie Goes Hollywood, Klymaxx (saw in concert in 85), and Scandal.

I'm really not quite sure what to make of this

Bootylicious Mannequins I love it. Finally someone has seen the future and we are going "back" to the future.

Which Fire burns brighter?

My birthday was on Monday. I really didn't give much thought to the birthday until the actual day. There were no big plans and that suited me fine. I woke up Monday feeling cranky and sore (mentally and physically). I had to teach an improv class that afternoon at a south side high school. I felt edgy and I was hoping that I wasn't getting on my teaching partner's nerve. my patience was at a minimum. I came out to my high school age boys because I was tired of hearing them volley the word "gay" like it was beach volleyball. I really laid into them. I told them that there are plenty worse things in life than being gay, like being ignorant, impoverished, at war, oppressed. I had very little patience.

I awoke the next day with a fever, diarrhea, head and body aches. I had the flu. I was depressed, ill, and 36. I usually think that I am so cool but I was literally not cool for the three days in a row. So I did what I know best--I threw a party...a pity party. It was mostly dillusional from the fever but I felt like I as low as "Sophia in jail." I sent Thad 7 or 8 text messages and left at least three voicemails. This is not like me but I was so needy. I am used to being the nurturer but here I was ill and I had to take care of myself plus my roomates two chihuahaus.

Well I feel better now. I worry though about damage that I may have down with Thad. I like him a lot and I don't want to chase him away. He's good stuff and I hope he is a part of my life for a long time. I can't worry too much about it but if I didn't, I wouldn't be my normal neurotic self.

torches burning in the rain
I met someone recently. Truthfully I met him 4 years ago but I ran into him Wednesday night. Paul S and I were bummed about the election results. Paul was even more worked up because someone had stolen his car. Paul and I had a plan - - get drunk. Paul S and I headed to The Closet, an "L Word" type bar at Broadway/Buckingham. On the way, we listened to a street musician play the saxophone. It was soothing and somehow reassuring that everything was ok, even if just for tonight. At the Closet, Paul S ordered Gin and tonics and I ordered my standard Absolut on the rocks. After a couple of drinks a tall dark haired fair skinned man with a white turtle neck entered the bar. It was Thad (not real name).

Thad and I used to be neighbors when I lived in Ravenswood. We both frequented Scot's, a neighborhood friendly gay bar on Montrose/Wolcott. There was sexual tension between Thad and I then but I was in a fucked up head space and I just thought he was too young for me. There were also two short bad back to back relationships that prevented me from dating anyone. Thad was special and I almost gave in to his charm but I didn't. Then he vanished. He just disappeared without warning. He was gone for I'm not sure how long but he did return to Chicago. Another neighbor of ours gave me updates on Thad sightings. I ran into him a few times but it was always on public transit or someplace where we couldn't talk but here was now. 

It only took a a minute or two before I was lost in Thad's eyes and completely ignoring Paul S. Thad did some eye gazing as well. Needless to say, Paul S left and Thad and I spent some good quality time together. We eventually left the bar and ventured out into the cold and wet rain but to my surprise we ended up at Thad's place where we took the longest shower that I have ever experienced. It was wonderful. The hot water, the steam, Thad's skin, Thad's wet hair, Thad's eyes.

I don't mind admitting that I am very smitten with Thad. And I know that he cares very much for me or at least he too bears a torch. His torch is probably like a bic lighter while mine is burning like a bonfire. Nonetheless, I want more Thad.

So here we are...I have not been able to write for the last two to three weeks. The first two weeks were due to technical difficulties but the last week had a lot to do with red and blue states. I purposedly remained detached during the final 10 days or so before the election. I only had one moment of political meltdown. The meltdown occurred early Monday evening as my teaching partner Gordy and I entered the red line subway station at Roosevelt. A young white woman saw Jordan's Nader button and asked him if he was going to write in Nader. Gordy was very excited to tell her that indeed he was writing in Ralph Nader for President on his ballot. The woman departed and I asked Gordy if he was seriously voting for Nader. He was. I couldn't resist giving Gordy my two cents about how voting for Nader in an election year where the two main contenders (George *shiver* W Bush and John Kerry) were so close it seemed a shame to toss your vote at a completely unelectable canidate. Gordy was very passionate about how he was voicing his choice and would not be deterred. He reminded me of how I was so upset with our political system in the events leading up to the Illinois Primaries. The way the system is set up now many low populated and "red" states basically determine the Dem and GOP candidates before I get an opportunity to cast a vote in Illinois. No one was really stumping for my vote in Illinois. More importantly, no one was addressing minority issues including the gay and black community which I belong to. Nobody except Al Sharpton. So even though I knew Sharpton couldn't win a national election and I didn't believe he was qualified for the job but I voted for him. I wanted to remind the other candidates that people are paying attention...and I don't regret it. I had to give it to Gordy...he had the right idea...even if your voice seems to be a tiny voice among the crazy din of the world...it is still your voice and you may as well say what is truly on your mind..

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/crime/story.jsp?&idq=/ff/story/0001%2F20041106%2F0511897037.htm&sc=1131&floc=NW_1-I