part two
There were two times in my life that I spent any significant time with Dad. The first time was in Peoria just before I entered the 8th grade. "I'm the man you're here to see," is what Dad said when I entered Grandma Lilly's place. I was frozen. "You not going say something, you waited all this time?" Dad said. I didn't speak. I thought about how similar Dad and I looked to each other. I thought of how Dad was so physically small and thin even to a small guy like myself. I thought about hitting him in the face and saying, "where in the hell have you been, asshole?" I didn't say anything. I just stood there. I wanted to go home. Take me back to my real family. I need my mom, my sister Michelle, and my pre-school aged brother Brian. I was still frozen. Frozen in time like that first second after you leap from a high place. "Come on man," Dad said, "I'm not a ghost." I didn't move a muscle. Dad came toward me put his hand on my shoulder. "Mama, we'll be back," he said as he pushed me towards the door, "there's some people you need to meet, they've been dying to see you."

We got in a car and Dad drove me to a grey house on the far northeast side of Peoria. We walked up the sidewalk and just as we reached the front stoop, the door flung open. "Pip! Pip! Pip! Pip!," they chanted over and over again. "There they go," Dad said, "I told you they were dying to see you. Shit, you're better than Santa Claus about now." I couldn't focus on the chaos happening around me. There were 3 small boys running in circles and chanting my name over and over at the top of their lungs. These boys were my half brothers. The smallest was Adrian but everyone called him AD. The other two were Albert and Alan, the twins that I had seen with Grandma Lilly. They pulled and tugged at me, "Pip! Pip!" Dad and the boys led me into a house that seemed extremely large because it didn't have much furniture in it. As we went further into the house, I saw a pregnant white woman and another mixed race boy. The boy was my brother Jason and the woman was my Dad's common law wife, Carlena. "How ya like your new family?," Dad said.

My new family. My new family was nothing like my old family. My Mom was the epitome of your strict orderly christian woman. In my mother's house, there was no running, swearing, drinking, smoking, drugs, staying up late, or lying. There was plenty of prayer, rules, chores, and women. Dad's place was Bizarro world. There were dust bunnies and the garbage needed to be taken out. The boys were running and screaming except Jason who was sitting near his mom.

I have to admit, I didn't like the boys when I first met them. I suppose that a small part of it was jealousy. Not only did they have both a mom and a dad at home. They had MY dad. They were also very unruly and I just wasn't used to their behavior. They took great joy in ganging up on me and teasing me about my other family. It's silly now but I remember them teasing me mercilessly about my maternal great grandmother whose name was Bessie. I didn't like the teasing or the rough housing. I just wasn't used to it. I was taught my whole life (by my mom) that this behavior was unacceptable.

It took a few months for me to get used to brand new family. I could never really figure out my place in the family. I was the "other son" and I felt like it. I always thought that meeting and spending time with my dad would make my life better but it didn't. It complicated things. Before his arrival in Peoria, life was whatever Mom said it was. Now the coin had two sides and I couldn't figure out if this was one of life's lessons or tests. My parents weren't very helpful in getting me through this confusing time. As a matterof fact, no one ever asked me how I felt. Instead I was shuttled from Mom's house (the church) to Dad's house (satan's lap).

My parents didn't get along...at all. Up to this point, they never fought in front of me but I lived with my mother long enough to recognize a certain tone in her voice. This tone was worse than a shouting match. Occasionaly, I would hear exchanges like:

Dad: I'll bring him back by 10
Mom: NO, you'll bring him back by 9:30

or

Dad: What is Pip doing Monday?
Mom: I don't know, I'll have to see.

It was always a power play and I was the pot. Once I was spending time at my Dad's house, playing with my brothers and my brand new half sister, Aleta. I had a great time and I tired myself out. My stepmother put us all to bed. Sometime after we had gone to bed, I was awakened by my stepmother. "Get up," she said, "your dad needs to take you home." My Dad drove me home cursing and mumbling all the way. When we arrived at my house, I heard my parents fight.

They fought because my mother had insisted that my father bring me home by a certain time. My mom wanted to send me to a private protestant high school in Peoria and I was being tested the next morning.

Mom: I told you to bring him home by....
Dad: He was tired. We put him to bed. I would have brought him home in the morning. Relax.
Mom: Don't you tell me to relax. When I said I wanted him home by..., I expected to see him home by...
Dad: You are overreacting
Mom: No, I'm his mother. If I say I want him home then I want him home. And if you want to continue to see him then you'll realize that.
Dad: Oh so it's like that
Mom: Don't think you can come in here....

And that is all I remember. I stopped listening because they weren't really talking about me. They were using me as jumping off point for the sake of an arguement. Dad needed to be in charge, like he always needed. Mother needed to be right, like she always needed. I remembered how I wanted a two parent household with Mom and my real Dad but that night I was so glad they had broken up. They really didn't need to be together. He was too selfish. She couldn't get what she needed. I was alone.