Right now I am on the set of an industrial video shoot for some insurance company. I was just upgraded from extra to a 5 and under (that's right baby, I'm moving on up and I get $50 extra). Last night I had a performance at Second City. I have to admit. I love to work.

Last night, our show was sooooo good. I enjoyed performing the show and I think our cast did a fab job. Maybe I am getting sentimental because I only have two weeks left of touring but I am really proud of my cast. The audience seemed to love us last night too. I have to admit the night ended very bittersweetly. Three weeks or so ago, I asked someone out at Second City. His name is Brian and he is tall, funny, and good looking. When I asked him out initially, he said, "no." I was disappointed but not distraught. I felt great that I had asked someone out. I never seem to do that. For some reason or another I did it again. I asked Brian out again. And again he said, "no." What was I thinking? I was heartbroken last night. After the applause and the bows, I went home feeling sad. Ironically, Brian was chosen to replace me in the national touring company. I just had a thought, I wonder if I asked Brian out again because he said no before and I am glutton for punishment or because I want to date my replacement which is in essence, dating myself. Now there is an idea that will blow your mind.

Is that it? Do we just want to date ourselves? Is my perfect mate, me?

Thursday night, I helped fete my friend Liz as she prepares to move to NYC to work as a writer on Saturday Night Live. Liz and toured together for about a year and a half. She is extremely talented and definitely has that "star quality" about her. When we used to tour, I always loved how her instincts were so spot on. She was promoted from our company to Second City's mainstage back in August. Our company has not been the same since that day. After a year of no cast changes, we lost Liz; then Bridget; then Kevin; and now I am two weeks away from being a former Second City tourco member myself.

I am very excited to be moving on. My time in the touring company was well worth it. I learned about timing, regionalisms, and group dynamics. The experience was invaluable.

I also had to compromise...a lot. It is tough for 8 people to be together constantly, especially if one of the 8 is me. I love to have my solitude. Without it, I am not a fun character. It is also tough to be the only black and the only gay. I just want some R&B and a good stiff one (you know what I'm saying?).

I have prepared a list of things I want to do when I finish touring:

1. write my one man showcase
2. get laid
3. find a boyfriend
4. get laid
5. spend more time with Chicago friends
6. travel for pleasure
7. get laid
8. take an acting class
9. get laid
10. get laid

Just finished a show in Pueblo, CO. I have a terrible cold and I haven't felt well in three days but the show must go on. It turned out to be a good one, not like our last show in Laramie, WY. What a disaster. I was so angry at members of our cast that night. It is time for me to leave this job. I know it. I feel it. Others sense it. It is a shame because I used to love it and now I find it so dificult. Part of the problem is just plain group dynamics. I have never been very good in groups, I always feel like I am giving more than I am getting. I don't mind compromise but since I started touring two years ago, I have given, and given, and given. I am on empty. I ain't got no more. I also have to be around more people like me. I am tired of being in the fucking minority. I need some power and support. I need some more black people and some gays. God, where are the gays?

Ok, enough with the whining. So, I have this bad cold right? And my nose keeps draining and I have a little chest congestion but I am so proud. I did the show and no one in the audience was the wiser. YEAH PIP! Of course, this means that I had to stay in bed all day and drink gallons of water. It was worth it to see the looks of my castmates as I did the show with no complaints and no excuses.

Today I am in Laramie, WY. I know, I already talked about my Laramie parallel but this is something completely different. Yesterday, I gave notice at Second City. My last show as a member of the Second City National Touring Company will be March 1st at The Second City Chicago. It has been quite a ride but it has to end.

I have loved going to all the different places and meeting new people but I am drained. I can't continue to live like that and besides the pay was crap. I can't be so poor any longer. Poverty is not something to be ashamed of but it is not fun. I need my life back. I also need to see other black folks and gay folks. I miss my homies and my sissies. I travel with the whitest people yo could meet. and we travel to the whitest destinations ever and do the whitest comedy known to man. Now, don't misunderstand. I like my job. I make people laugh. I like the people I work with, I have a lot of respect for them as humans and as performers but I need more. More.. More.. More!

Tomorrow I am off to Pueblo, CO. I hope to see a friend from long ago. One of my oldest friends. Step Pearce. I love him so much. I have for years and I can't wait to see him..

This is my third attempt to do this during my rehearsal. Let me see how far I can get.

Randomness of Life
I saw Janet Jackson's tit on tv during the superbowl halftime show. I have no interest in the game of football. I just don't care. Some people say if you don't like something it is becuase you don't understand it but this is far from true when it comes to the subject of football. I know quite a bit about the game. More than I care to know because at the end of the day, it is a long and boring sport. Ansd all that tackling is just juvenille and base. Why don't we just have a contest where we just hit each other with sticks. Well, While the world was transfixed to kooky comercials and a stupid game on CBS, I was watching fag TV over on NBC. I did change over to view the half time show and what a show. Kid Rock, Justin T, and Janet's tit, what else do I need?

I'm back. It has been quite a whirlwind life lately. Last time I wrote, I mentioned being in Cali with my stepmother and other assorted relatives. That was quite the experience. My stepmom is in desperate need of help. She has a substance abuse problem that no one wants to address. I finally dropped the bomb on my brother Jason (the responisble one) and tried to convince him to convince the others that an intervention was in order. We'll see what happens.

There is so much to write about today. I will have to slip in European stories here and there but right now lets talk about now. Since returning from Europe, I have been in mostly good spirits. I feel as if my time touring with Second City is drawing to an end and new things are on the horizon. I haven't had much of a love life in the last two years so I am trying to remedy that. A cute guy gave me his number at an office that I was a temp at in December. I told him that I was leaving the country and when I returned, I would call him. I did. He did not return my call.

I asked a guy at Second City if he wanted to go out on a date and he said, "no, no, I don't date well, no." Those of you keeping score will notice that I have received two strikes in a row. Oh well, I can't let that get me down. I will ask other boys and we'll see what happens.

I am preparing for another tour. This tour will last 10 days and will include these Colorado towns: Pueblo, Boulder, Carbondale, and Colorado Springs. Our first date, however, is in Laramie, WY.

In 1998, I was working in London. When my show closed, my friend Danny and I traveled all over Europe for a month. We finally arrived back in Chicago on October 12, 1998. I didn't know who Matthew Shepard was at the time but there were all these memorials set up for him. It will be strange to go there now. I have just returned from Europe again I hope no one has to die the way Mathew died again.