Friday, June 24, 2005

A little too much excitement happening around here these days. First there is the whole co-habitational bliss that I am trying to find with Steve. Believe it or not, that part is easy. As each day goes by, I am less and less afraid that he is going to open his eyes one morning and say, "Oh my god! Who are you? Get the hell out of here!" This weekend I'm giving my sweetie a break. I am transferring all of my neurosis from him to the origins of it all, my mother.

Now, I want to preface this by saying that my mother was a teenager when I was born but she kept me and ended up sending three kids off to college and she never left us despite the men that did the same to her. You see, I have a need to explain because of my guilt. Which is the support beam of my neurosis. And the foundation of the same neurosis is a fear of abandonment.

At my invitation,Mom is coming to spend the weekend with my partner and I. This is despite the fact that we have to stay in a hotel when we come to Peoria. None the less, she will be here for two days and I am wired about it. I am second guessing everything I do. Will she like this? Should I change that? Should I put
that elsewhere?

I am calming down now. I don't really need my mother's approval anymore. Not really...Ultimately, this is our place. We love it. We love each other. That's more than enough.

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