Thursday, January 06, 2005

Another One BITES the dust
I usually stay away from reporting about my romantic/personal life but I am going to take a stab it tonight. I seem to be in some crazed serial dating pattern. I have been out as a gay man since I was 21 that is a good 15 years worth of men. In that entire time I have never sustained a relationship with a man for more than 10 months. There...My secret is out. I received a lot of shit from some of my friends: Why can't you commit?; When are you going to settle down?; What the fuck is wrong with you? The answer to all the questions is "I have no clue."

One of my problems is that I never knew what I wanted in a relationship until I was in my 30s. When I was in my 20s, I just wanted someone cute on my arms and someone feisty in my bed. Around 30 - 31 years old, I was tired of playing the field and I just wanted to settle down. Period. I wanted to find my "soulmate." I dated a guy named Alan. Alan and I were not soulmates but we did enjoy smoking weed and making out. It worked for me but not for Alan. He broke up with me in coffee shop in Peoria because he thought a public place would keep me from getting emotional. He was so wrong.

Since Alan, I have dated many, many, many men. I took a break from dating for over two years actually while I toured with the Second City National Touring Co. TourCo didn't give me much time or money for a romantic life. And in the world of comedy, out gay men are a rarity.

I never really had a type. I mean there are certain characteristics that I find appealing. I like tall. I like good skin. I like a great smile. I love great eyes. I appreciate a shapely behind. Race has not been that big of a deal until recently. Recently, I have decided that I need to settle down with a man of color. I figured that part of my bad track record had to do with all of the white guys that I had dated. I had to blame it on something and I wasn't ready to blame it on myself.

I'm rambling...I know...I'm getting to the meat (no pun intended). About two weeks ago, I met a really nice, sweet, southern, light-skinned Black guy that hit on me in a department store on Michigan Ave. I'll call him Timothy. Timothy and I went out a couple of times and he was playing the seduction game HARD. He told me when I first met him that he was "involved" but it wasn't going anywhere and he wanted to see other people. I was game. He gave me more seduction. AND THEN, I was told, by Timothy, that the person he was "involved" with was really a boyfriend that he lived with. I told him that I really couldn't take a relationship any further with him until he was out of the present one. He laid on some stuff about not getting what he needed and not feeling loved in his relationship and how needed more. I was ready to give him more but then he got really weird on me. His boyfriend had been out of town for the holidays and when he returned, Timothy was like a different person. As a matter of fact, we will now call him Tony. Timothy GOOD. Tony BAD. Timothy was loving and seductive. Tony is defensive and demanding.

I saw Timothy/Tony tonight. He gave me an ultimatum. That's right, the guy cheating on his boyfriend gave me an ultimatum. "Do you want to be just friends or not?" I chose not. And another bites the dust.


  1. I don't get it. He gave you an ultimatum? Why? To be his friend or not? I thought an ultimatum was: you either do x or I am leaving. Im confused.

    I'm curious--how did you just meet a guy in a department store? Did you just bump into each other?


  2. YES, that is exactly what he did. He just turned from the romancer to "You need to decide if you want to be just friends with me." I don't respond well to that kind of shit.

  3. Good riddance. He was obviously a schmuck. Stupid Timothy/Tony.