18 More Days
Until...

It's time for the lists

My Favorite Blog of 2004: A Socialite's Life

Best Gift of 2004: Peace of Mind

Biggest Lesson Learned in 2004: No one can take responsibility for your happiness but you.

Favorite Movies of 2004: Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, The Incredibles, Kill Bill, Vol. 2, Fahrenheit 9/11, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Mean Girls, Garden State, Napolean Dynamite, I (Heart) Huckabees, Supersize Me, Saved, Team America

Favorite Songs of 2004:
Lose My Breath (Destiny's Child)
Yeah (Usher)
This Love (Maroon 5)
Let's Get It Started (Black-Eyed Peas)
Golden (Jill Scott)
1,2 Step (Ciara featuring Missy Elliott)
Move Ya Body (Nina Sky)
If I Ain't Got You (Alicia Keys)
Naughty Girl (Beyonce)
The Way You Move (OutKast)
Toxic (Britney Spears)

Best New Artist of 2004: Maroon 5

Favorite Place Traveled to in 2004: Vienna, Austria (first visit) and Amsterdam (return visit)

Best Live Show I saw in 2004: De La Guarda

Biggest Winner of 2004: George W. Bush, Kevin Federline, Court TV junkies, bloggers

Biggest Losers: Kevin Ferderline, Britney Spears, American Public, FCC, Kobe Bryant, gays, Vietnam Vets

RIP
Marlon Brando
Richard Avedon
Art Carney
Ray Charles
Isabel Sanford
Julia Child
Rodney Dangerfield
Jerry Orbach
Rick James
Janet Leigh
Alistar Cooke
Tony Randall
Christopher Reeve

Time to Celebrate
Numanuma

Yeah, but could I stand to be someplace colder?
Canadian Alternative

My heart is so sad today
Gay Tsunami victims

Trash for the Race obsessed
The Amazing Race 6 - The Official Site of Jonathan Baker and Victoria Fuller

Tee Hee
Asian Wins First Ebonics Competition

Let's wrap this year up
A little over a year ago, I started temping for a great agency. Sometime around the end of March, they sent me to a job at a prestigious ad agency. This week I returned to the big ad agency. The last time I was there was in September but you would have thought I never left. Everyone was so great. My job...I provide complimentary gift wrapping for the employees of the big ad agency. Yes, I am a gift wrapper for the holidays but I love it. One would guess thatt with all the theatrical training, the degrees, and work experience that wrapping gifts would not be for me but you would guess wrong.

Sometimes it is nice to not have to think. Sometimes it is wonderful to just do something that helps someone else. Granted, I am being paid but nominally I assure you.

A fine little ditty
You may have seen The Ukes of Hazzard's music video 'Gay Boyfriend' but if you haven't then please watch it now.

Rufus - Walkin' In The Sun
I love Chaka Khan

Tears for a singer
The best part of living with my roomate is that he usually makes me see something enjoyable in the world that I would have otherwised walked past. I mean this figuratively and literally.

Jack, my roomate, is also a classic joiner. He is a member of many organizations and clubs. He also has more subscriptions than a library. Fortunately for me, one of his subscriptions is to NetFlix. Every few days or so a little white package with a DVD featuring some film that right off of Blockbuster's "New Release" shelf. Thanksgiving weekend we had A Home at the End of the World. It is based on the Michael Cunningham (The Hours) novel by the same name.

The movie was uneven and left me a little cool by the end but I was game for reading the novel which my roomate owned. The book was better than the film but this is not a film or book review. Who cares about either? I suppose Mr. Cunningham probably cares.

In the film, there is a scene in which Sissy Spacek, playing one of the lead character's mother, discovers marijuana and the musical stylings of Laura Nyro simultaneously. It happens a bit different in the book but that is so not the point. The point is Laura Nyro. I had never heard of her before that film but I seem to love her now. After seeing the film and reading the novel, I had to check out some Laura Nyro. I downloaded a couple of songs and fell in love with her sound. I decided to learn more about the artist. I started googling this afternoon and enjoyed reading about her career in the 60's, 70's, and 80's. Then I came across information that she had died in 1997.

Emotions can be so strange. I did not know Laura Nyro. I have never met members of her family. I hadn't even heard of her until a director decided to play her recording of "It's Gonna Take A Miracle" in a film. Yet there I sat at my computer trying to hold back my tears. I don't know if I was crying for the singer or the voice. It must be the voice.

Fuck The South

A friend of mine told me about this little rant he found on the web.

Who will be the lead in the musical?
Ask the good people of Camp Camp.

Show Titles
So I am writing this show that should preview sometime in January and be performed at Piper's Alley in March (I think). We have to decide on a title. The show will be monologues and two person sketches with songs. My partner Rebecca is great and very funny. We are trying to explore themes that are unique to us as Af-Americans but universal because everyone feels left out of the system at sometime because of politics, religion, race, sexual orientation, etc. For the uninformed, "Bourgie" is a black slang term for an uppity black person, as in "bourgeois"

Here are a few of the show titles that I submitted:
BOURGIE NIGHTS
BOURGIE WONDERLAND
DANCE WITH THE BOURGIE, GET DOWN!
THE DARKER THE BERRY, THE HIGHER THE INSULIN
GET DOWN, BOURGIE, OOGIE, OOGIE
AFFIRMATIVE REACTION
AFFIRMATIVE SCRATCHIN'
IS MY NOSE REALLY THAT WIDE?
MALT LIQUOR? YOU BROUGHT HER.
ROOTS AND LADDERS
INNER BOOTY
AMERICAN BOOTY
WAIT UNTIL DARKIE
SO YOU'VE FAILED THE BROWN PAPER BAG TEST, NOW WHAT?
PORK IS A NICE SWEET MEAT
or
THE REBECCA AND PIP SHOW

WELL LOOKING HETERO SEDUCED AND...
I'm not sure what is most offensive about this website. It is either the not so attractive boys or the really bad copy.

Oops
I am so far behind when it comes to blogging. I haven't covered Thanksgiving, the 6'9" , 22 yo hottie, the Second City holiday party, my broken heart, my students' original show, the cabbie that I got high, the departure of the dogs, oh so much.

So, I'm just going to post this link for now. Now excuse me while I go fuck myself.

Treasures
I know several actors. I have been one myself for 20 years now. I can't believe it. The summer when I was 15, I got the lead in ANDROCLES AND THE LION. I was ecstatic just to have a role but I got the lead. It didn't occur to me that my role was larger than other cast members. I couldn't believe that I was being paid to act. It was so exciting. Those days of innocence are gone.

Today, however, a very kind actor by the name of Antoine McKay gave me just the biggest compliment today. I won't share it because it made me blush at the time. Frankly, I'm blushing now thinking about the incident. I have such a deep respect for him as a person and as a performer. This guy came to Chicago and has done so well for himself as an actor in just over a year's time. If anyone reading this gets a chance go to see him at The Second City while you can.

His compliment touched me so because it contained the same innocence that I felt when I was 15 playing a Commedia D'ell Arte character in a children's show that toured to Peoria area parks. Thanks Antoine. I will treasure the moment always.

Visit this!

I love the VH1 shows Motormouth and Bands Reunited.

Motormouth basically is a hidden camera show that films people singing and dancing (badly) inside SUVs with satellite radios. Hilarious. I love to watch people in real life singing in their cars. I love when you catch someone completely caught up in a song on their radio or cd player. As the music pulses, they can't help but to get, get, get on down.

Bands Reunited is brilliant. Reuniting bands from the 80s for one last performance for their fans. It is pretty cool. You could probably make a motion picture from the drama that builds as the host tries to reunite bandmates, some who have not spoken to each other in over 15 years. And at the end of it all is a concert by groups I remember like Information Society, Frankie Goes Hollywood, Klymaxx (saw in concert in 85), and Scandal.

I'm really not quite sure what to make of this

Bootylicious Mannequins I love it. Finally someone has seen the future and we are going "back" to the future.

Which Fire burns brighter?

My birthday was on Monday. I really didn't give much thought to the birthday until the actual day. There were no big plans and that suited me fine. I woke up Monday feeling cranky and sore (mentally and physically). I had to teach an improv class that afternoon at a south side high school. I felt edgy and I was hoping that I wasn't getting on my teaching partner's nerve. my patience was at a minimum. I came out to my high school age boys because I was tired of hearing them volley the word "gay" like it was beach volleyball. I really laid into them. I told them that there are plenty worse things in life than being gay, like being ignorant, impoverished, at war, oppressed. I had very little patience.

I awoke the next day with a fever, diarrhea, head and body aches. I had the flu. I was depressed, ill, and 36. I usually think that I am so cool but I was literally not cool for the three days in a row. So I did what I know best--I threw a party...a pity party. It was mostly dillusional from the fever but I felt like I as low as "Sophia in jail." I sent Thad 7 or 8 text messages and left at least three voicemails. This is not like me but I was so needy. I am used to being the nurturer but here I was ill and I had to take care of myself plus my roomates two chihuahaus.

Well I feel better now. I worry though about damage that I may have down with Thad. I like him a lot and I don't want to chase him away. He's good stuff and I hope he is a part of my life for a long time. I can't worry too much about it but if I didn't, I wouldn't be my normal neurotic self.

torches burning in the rain
I met someone recently. Truthfully I met him 4 years ago but I ran into him Wednesday night. Paul S and I were bummed about the election results. Paul was even more worked up because someone had stolen his car. Paul and I had a plan - - get drunk. Paul S and I headed to The Closet, an "L Word" type bar at Broadway/Buckingham. On the way, we listened to a street musician play the saxophone. It was soothing and somehow reassuring that everything was ok, even if just for tonight. At the Closet, Paul S ordered Gin and tonics and I ordered my standard Absolut on the rocks. After a couple of drinks a tall dark haired fair skinned man with a white turtle neck entered the bar. It was Thad (not real name).

Thad and I used to be neighbors when I lived in Ravenswood. We both frequented Scot's, a neighborhood friendly gay bar on Montrose/Wolcott. There was sexual tension between Thad and I then but I was in a fucked up head space and I just thought he was too young for me. There were also two short bad back to back relationships that prevented me from dating anyone. Thad was special and I almost gave in to his charm but I didn't. Then he vanished. He just disappeared without warning. He was gone for I'm not sure how long but he did return to Chicago. Another neighbor of ours gave me updates on Thad sightings. I ran into him a few times but it was always on public transit or someplace where we couldn't talk but here was now. 

It only took a a minute or two before I was lost in Thad's eyes and completely ignoring Paul S. Thad did some eye gazing as well. Needless to say, Paul S left and Thad and I spent some good quality time together. We eventually left the bar and ventured out into the cold and wet rain but to my surprise we ended up at Thad's place where we took the longest shower that I have ever experienced. It was wonderful. The hot water, the steam, Thad's skin, Thad's wet hair, Thad's eyes.

I don't mind admitting that I am very smitten with Thad. And I know that he cares very much for me or at least he too bears a torch. His torch is probably like a bic lighter while mine is burning like a bonfire. Nonetheless, I want more Thad.

So here we are...I have not been able to write for the last two to three weeks. The first two weeks were due to technical difficulties but the last week had a lot to do with red and blue states. I purposedly remained detached during the final 10 days or so before the election. I only had one moment of political meltdown. The meltdown occurred early Monday evening as my teaching partner Gordy and I entered the red line subway station at Roosevelt. A young white woman saw Jordan's Nader button and asked him if he was going to write in Nader. Gordy was very excited to tell her that indeed he was writing in Ralph Nader for President on his ballot. The woman departed and I asked Gordy if he was seriously voting for Nader. He was. I couldn't resist giving Gordy my two cents about how voting for Nader in an election year where the two main contenders (George *shiver* W Bush and John Kerry) were so close it seemed a shame to toss your vote at a completely unelectable canidate. Gordy was very passionate about how he was voicing his choice and would not be deterred. He reminded me of how I was so upset with our political system in the events leading up to the Illinois Primaries. The way the system is set up now many low populated and "red" states basically determine the Dem and GOP candidates before I get an opportunity to cast a vote in Illinois. No one was really stumping for my vote in Illinois. More importantly, no one was addressing minority issues including the gay and black community which I belong to. Nobody except Al Sharpton. So even though I knew Sharpton couldn't win a national election and I didn't believe he was qualified for the job but I voted for him. I wanted to remind the other candidates that people are paying attention...and I don't regret it. I had to give it to Gordy...he had the right idea...even if your voice seems to be a tiny voice among the crazy din of the world...it is still your voice and you may as well say what is truly on your mind..

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/crime/story.jsp?&idq=/ff/story/0001%2F20041106%2F0511897037.htm&sc=1131&floc=NW_1-I

21 days
Three weeks today I moved into this new place and I have been out of town three times since. It seems odd to move into a new place and never be there. I love that feeling when you move someplace new. That honeymoon period while you get familiar with your new setting. Everything is in a different place. Your routine is different. I love this place but I have been gone so much. I let a room from my friend in his small sized two br condo in West Rogers Park. Oh....West Effin Rogers Park, it is like living in another state or on the edge of the universe, whichever is closest to the red line.

Urban Tea Lounge, haircuts, and a good place
Four years ago, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself because my life lacked direction and I felt completely powerless. I was on my way to visit my friend Tony Canary. Tony, a performance artist had moved from his chosen Chicago neighborhood in Wicker Park to Andersonville so that he could be closer to his emotionally unavailable Latino actor/model boyfriend.

I wrote in my journal as I took the 36 Broadway bus north. The bus passed Broadway and Belle Plaine when I wrote that I just wanted to be in a good place. Just as I finished the sentiment, I looked to my left and saw a sign that read "BUENA PLACE." I decided this had to be a good sign.

Fast foward to 2004. Tony is back in Wicker Park without the emotionally unavailable Latino actor/model boyfriend. And the sign is still there at Broadway and Buena. Little did I know in 2000 that I would be living in Chicago's Buena Park neighborhood two years later. Of course, the two years that I lived in Buena Park were two of the toughest personal years of my life but I still thougt Buean Park was a good place.

I have made only two trips to my old neighborhood in the last three weeks. One was to return my keys to my old landlord and the other was just this past Thursday night. After working all day I really needed to get a haircut so I went to my beautiful ebony-skinned African barber, Francis. Francis works in a shop located across from the Wilson Red Line stop (probably one of the skankiest el stops on the northside of Chicago. Francis is a good barber andI haven't had a regular barber in a while. I have been through barber hell since my barber moved from Chicago in 1997. I have three shops that I visit most often but I still need MY shop. Francis is a very good looking guy and I have to admit that one of the reasons I go back is because I love looking at him while he cuts my hair.

After the haircut I headed to my favorite Uptown/Buena Park haunt, The Urban Tea Lounge on Montrose. I love this place so much. The owners are really cool people and one of their friends and part-time employees is an extremely sexy Latino by the name of Roberto. I'll be honest, I wanted to see Roberto more than I wanted to buy tea.

Move and keep moving
Today marks one week since I have moved into my nw place. I love this place. My roomate has put together a great space. It is comfortable and homey. Unpretentious but well thought out. I love it.

Ch-ch-ch-changes
I rented a van and moved all my stuff yesterday but the whole moving experience seems to go on and on. Today I have to go back to my old apartment and clean it. I want my deposit back dammit.

I love my new place in Rogers Park. This apartment is located further north and west than any of my other Chicago residences but it comes with cable, wash/dry, internet access, and two dogs. I like it. Besides I needed a change. Change is good.

A note from RuPaul
Pumpkin,I really need you. On Tuesday, September 21, 2004, I will release my long awaited CD "RuPaul Red Hot." This album is being released on my own label which means I don't have a lot of the resources and muscle that the giant mega-companies have to launch their product. I am truly an underdog here. This album is a labor of love and my gift to you. Having said that, this labor of love has been a very expensive one. That's why I need your help, I need you to beckon its arrival from the highest rooftops to the outermost corners of the world. Tell your friends, family, girlfriends, cousins and tricks, everyone you can think of to go out and buy my new album or to order it online. Unfortunately, the success of this album will be determined in the market place by the amount of sales I can rack up in its first week of release. That's why I need you now more than ever before. I've you've ever loved me or admired my ground-breaking achievements, please buy my new album, in fact buy 2 or 3. Let's show these giant mega-companies that you have a voice and that their bland marketing survey results don't reflect your tastes.

Loving you constantly, endlessly,RuPaulwww.rupaul.com

P.S. You can also download the remixes and the album version of my single; "Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous" at iTunes and Napster...

Blasphemy for beginners
Jesus F-in' Christ

Changing seasons
I can not believe that summer is over. I know Autumn officially begins September 22nd but in Chicago, it begins to cool down the first week of September. Having said that, it is supposed to be 80 degrees and sunny today in Chicago.

I am temping at the big ad agency today. I love coming here. Of all the offices that I have done temp work, this is by far my favorite. The atmosphere is relaxed and fun and everybody seems to remember me from my brief stint last spring.

There are so many things to address right now. I am a little under the gun right now. I am moving in two weeks. I am letting a room from a director friend that lives in West Rogers Park. Rogers Park is the farthest Northern neighborhood in the city of Chicago. I have never lived this far north or west in Chicago. I am a bit scared because I am just starting to like my Uptown digs. The reason for the move is to save money by sharing my friend's condo (which includes washer/dryer, digital cable, two dogs, and unlimited internet access). And knowing my friend, I am sure there will be a fair share of nude and semi-nude twinks (he likes 'em young).

The Urban Tea Lounge
I have spent two and one half years living in the Buena Park/Uptown neighborhood in Chicago. I have to be honest and say that this neighborhood has been my least favorite Chi-town locale. Uptown has far too many homeless and crackheads and not enough shops. It also has its fair share of single gay men. It was a late afternoon tryst with one of these men that lead me to The Urban Tea Lounge .

The Urban Tea Lounge is located at 838 W Montrose. It is a laidback storefront cafe with several varieties of black, green, white, herbal and blended teas. They also have a small but inexpensive menu of sandwiches, scones, and other baked goods.

The place is cute and the owners are very friendly. The staff (which is small) is attentive yet laid back. In the 11 days or so that I have known of its existence, I have patronized the place nearly everyday. The tea is top quality with enough variety to satisfy the pickiest of palettes. My particular favorite is the Pagan Alms blend of green tea, chocolate, and vanilla. It is deliciously decadent tasting but wonderfully good for you. I can also recommend any of the Oolongs on the menu.

It should be noted that you can still have a decent cup of coffee here. There coffee comes from Intelligentsia.

Happy Birthday Dad
Today would have been my Dad's 54th birthday. Happy Birthday Dad. Wherever the fuck you are. I wish you were still around.

D'OH
I get up feeling fine this morning. That may seem like a cliche but I always wake up feeling slightly shitty...regardless of my behavior the night before. So, I got up, shat, showered and shaved.

I have an audition this morning. Nothing specific, just a general audition for a well-respected regional theatre in Chicago. I was high last night so I made sure to choose my clothes before I went to bed so that I wouldn't have to make decisions in my morning fog. Always a good idea I think.

About an hour into my day, I had to use the bathroom to rid myself of the two bowls of oatmeal and three cups of hot tea. That is when I noticed that I wasn't wearing a belt. This is not the end of the world, I know. I want get shuffled off at my auditions because I am not wearing a belt. But I did feel the need to reprimand myself for being so fashionistically careless. "Oh, you idiot!" I said aloud. Thinking about my black belt at home made me utter, "how did I let that little black thing get away from me?"

That is when I heard someone sniffle in another stall. I was not alone. Someone overheard me (and my voice is definately dinstinctive) in the stall talking about my "black thing". This should be a good week.

In the name of the...
Aren't we done with religion yet?New York Daily News - Breaking News - 8-year-old girl's Holy Communion invalidated by Church

I totally voted for you Fantasia
NC makes Saturday Fantasia Barrino Day

Beautylicious Booty
Wow! Who knew that you could make so much money by stealing my look Beyonce.

New York City Boys
Let's run down the good stuff from last week.

WEDNESDAY
First, there was Wednesday. I got to sleep in late because I didn't have to show up at the crap temp job. It was my standard travel day (similar to my Second City TourCo days). My bag was packed from the night before so I did a classic "wake and bake". I made my way down to Paul S' apartment so that I could feed his cats and water his plants before I left. From there I picked up some delicious Fannie May Chocolates for my best friend Dan G in Brooklyn.

I made it to the airport and was so excited when I was upgraded to first class. This is going to be an awsome trip! So I thought. Turns out that because of rain on the East coast my flight was cancelled. So I rebooked another flight. I did meet Mark Wolov. He is the brother of Julia Wolov, who used to work at Second City. I also met Savion Glover, who was stranded in Chicago after his flight was cancelled. I couldn't get first class but Savion did. No worries because I was on my way to New York City.

I arrived at LaGuardia, jumped in a cab, hit the BQE and landed in Brooklyn. It was great to see Dan. It is difficult when your best bud lives so far away. We talk on the phone nearly nightly but there is nothing like good face time with someone who gets you.

THURSDAY
I woke up around 10 am and watched some Six Feet Under from this season. That was a treat. I then got dressed, got on a subway and headed for Central Park. In the park I watched the Broadway softball league play. My friend Jennifer H was playing with the team from the show De La Guarda. Little did I know that I would be seeing these guys the very next night in their show.

I spent a good part of the day in the park. The weather was perfect and my outfit was kicky and cute. I talked to all kind of actors about what it was like being in New York. Everyone had valuable things to tell me.

After De La Guarda lost two games that day they were eliminated from the tourney. Jennifer and I went on a short shopping trip to get Jennifer a new shirt and then we headed to McHales to meet Dan and his friend Matt for burgers and a beer. I always wanted Jennifer and Matt to meet so this was perfect. They loved each other of course.

After dinner, Dan, Matt, and I headed to my first surprise show, Caroline or Change. I will talk about the shows individually later. An old acquaintance, Kerry Riffle was in the audience. I got to talk to Kerry, who now lives in NYC, after the show. Dan, Matt, Matt's friend Sara, and I walked around New York for about an hour and then Dan and I headed back to Brooklyn. I watched more Six Feet Under and the finale of Last Comic Standing.

FRIDAY
I got up and put together another cute outfit and headed to the Meat Packing District for brunch with Colleen McHugh at Pastis (Very Sex and The City). I love Colleen. She has this incredible voice and she is so funny. She is also the best fag hag Chicago has ever seen. When she used to live here and we toured together for Second City. I really loved seeing her in New York.

After Colleen and I walked around for a bit I headed back to Dan's place. Dan and I took what seemed like the longest subway ride to Coney Island. Coney Island!!! I can't say enough about our trip to Coney Island. I had fun like I was 10 years old. I rode the roller coaster and ate Nathan's hot dogs. Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!

Leaving Coney Island we took an even longer ride to the city so we could go to show #2 which turned out to be De La Guarda. Jennifer met us after the show and we went to XL lounge for two of the strongest drinks in New York. From there it was back to Union Square to hang out with the De La Guarda cast. I was a bit tipsy but we ended up at some see and be seen breeder joint. Dan and I left and took a cab across the Brooklyn Bridge and after another episode of Six Feet Under I went to bed.

SATURDAY/SUNDAY AM
This was a tough day because of the day before. I was slow moving and lacking energy. We went to our friend Ruth and Adam's place to see their 5 month old Abigal. She was adorable until she shit all over the place. She literally had shit in her belly button but just like a good baby, she smiled and laughed. I wish I could just shit my pants and smile.

Dan gave me a tour through Brooklyn Heights and then we headed to Harlem. I had never been to Harlem but now I have been to THE Apollo Theatre.

We made our way back to Union Square and to a restaraunt where Dan's friend Jeff works. We met Ruth (sans shitty baby) and had dinner. After dinner, the three of us walked to the West Village smoking weed all the way there on our way to show #3, The Mariajuana-logues. After the show, we ate Hagen-Daas and let Ruth get home to her husband and baby.

For Dan and I there was more walking. Even though it started to rain, we just kept walking. It was wonderful. Even though it was Saturday night, we decided to call it a night and head back to Dan's so I could finish up my Six Feet Under marathon followed by an Upright Citizen's Brigade marathon (how much do I love that Amy Poehler?).

A few short hours later a car was waiting to take me to the airport and back to Chicago.

Temping

When I first became an actor 20 years ago I learned two lessons:
1. Don’t step on another actor’s line
2. Just say no to Equity Waiver

Now I have another lesson that I have learned…don’t take long term temp work. I have been on this stupid crap job since mid-April and I am in the last week (I jump this taco stand next Wednesday) and I have senioritis in the worst way. I don’t feel like doing the auditing and typing. I don’t care if this business falls and crumbles to the ground (as long as it doesn’t actually fall and actually crumble while I am physically in the building).


What do I care about: Star and Al

Shows I Saw in NYC
De La Guarda
Caroline, or Change
Marijuanalogues

NYC
I am back from New York City. I will go on and on and on about it.

Uggh My Mouth was open
Rock band probed in sewage dump

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World (Pip Style)
The Amazing Race is the best reality show on TV in my opinion. It basically is several two-person teams racing around the world for a cash prize. It is adventurous and there is no pandering for the camera. The contestants have to stay focus or they will lose the race.

About three or four weeks ago my friend Paul S got turned on to The Amazing Race. I have been a fan season the first season. Paul asked me if I wanted to form a team. Well...of course I do. We had to download the application of the web and answer this personality profile, as well as provide photos, proof of passport and a 3 minute video.

The profile was fun. It was cool to answer such probing questions such as "what is your favorite movie?" or "How did you and your partner meet?" The most dificult questions to answer for me were "What is the biggest disappointment you have experienced from your teammate?" and "What is the accomplishment that you are most proud of?" I really didn't know how to answer these questions. The first seems so personal and I try to shy away from that kind of stuff becuase when I do answer, I answer way too honestly. The second question is just too big. Can there be one defining moment of pride in one's life. If so, that is so sad. I couldn't think of one accomplishment I was most proud of. If I had a kid, I could have done the old cop out "the moment my daughter was born" or "when my son came into my life."

I won't say what I wrote for either question but for the latter, I wish I had written that the accomplishment I am most proud of is the first time I was able to cum. I know it sounds trite and base but it really was a watershed moment in my existence. No pun intended.

Show Me State Shows Ass Again
Fellow gays, don't be discouraged by the recent vote in Missouri to have a state constitutional ban on gay marriage. Change is slow and ardous. You cannot change people's views and prejudices over night or even over a decade. Keep fighting and speaking out for what is right. Don't forget that St. Louis was the site of the 1856 Dred Scott case. In that situation, a free born black man that was captured into slavery decided to sue his captor but was told he could not becuase the constitution didn't recognize him (a black man) as a full person or citizen but only as property. That was only 150 years ago and today we have two black men fighting for a seat in the senate in Illinois.

Stupid stupid rituals
I know that I have ranted on this before but it is sooooooooooo stupid how men will wait to let a woman pass in this day and age. Ever since I began working in the Sears Tower, I have been fascinated by how many men will block or hold up the flow of foot traffic to allow a woman to enter first or if I am in the back of the elevator, some guy will always hold me up so that he can allow all the women to get off the elevator first. Give me a fucking break. Some say it is treating women "like ladies" and "with respect." Don't believe the bullshit ladies. No one deserves to have the door held for them. No on deserves to be allowed to pass first. You deserve more money and real respect.

Angela McCluskey
I went into Borders to buy Twyla Tharp's book The Creative Habit.  As I was heading to the register, I noticed a sign that said "buy any book and get any regularly priced CD for 25% off.  I bought the Angela McCluskey CD titled The Things We Do.  I fell in love with "It's Been Done" the first time my friend Paul S played it for me and the rest of this CD is great. 

McCluskey has an incredible voice.  Her vocal stylings remind me of a cross between Cyndi Lauper and Erykah Badu.  The music has a pop sound but lacks the sweetness of most radio music.  I'm sure "It's Been Done" will be a radio/video hit soon.  It really is a wonderful track.  my other favorite tracks include "Dirty Pearl", "Perfect Girl Eleven", and "Sleep On It". 

Let's talk TV
I love TV. I always have and I just can't imagine not loving TV. Right now, Tuesday is the best night on TV for me. It is currently a reality show night across the board for me. I know as an actor/writer that I am not supposed to like them. I don't like most but I do love Trading Spouses, Last Comic Standing II, and Amazing Race 5. Now hear that The Simpsons will have a character come out of the closet. There is a lot of speculation who it will be. I hope it is Groundskeeper Willy. He has the best body and an accident. Oh then there is disturbing article on CNN.com - Reality show turns Amish into unlikely TV stars. Go figure.

I am carrying around the mother of all headaches today.  I just want to go back home and start again. 

On the positive side, there are some cute guys in this office.  It is too bad that they are all straight.  I am looking at the cutest little Aussie right now.  G'day Mate!

Big Ups to my man Bill Clinton.  He came through last night like a rock star.  He even had his own them song, from the 1992 convention, Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop".  You go Bubba.  I love him so much.  I really would like him to be president again.  Boy, he had a lot of enemies when he was in power.  They never went after his policies, they always made it personal.  That is why I still like him.  I just can't respect people who go waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy out of their way to show you how bad another person is.  It makes the accuser look bad and gives sympathy to the other.  Back to Bill.  Good speech:  not too long, hit the big issues, spoke to the people.  Good hair:  Best hair cut he has had in years.  Great tie: although it was askewed, he looked real nice.
You go Bubba!  You are still my favorite president.

Get a life people
Donkey Wins Colorado Mayoral Election

Boys will be Boys
I recently described myself as "undateable."  I don't know the rules of dating.  I don't get the rituals.  I hate the bullshit.  And I am not very patient.   I just want to meet someone and get to know them while they get to know me.  

I can be pretty intense sometimes.  I don't hold back if I feel I am not getting what I need, I say it.  But at the same time I am aware that the world doesn't revolve around me and a good partner/mate/boyfriend has a life of his own.

Not so long ago, I met this guy Blaine and I thought there would be something between us.  He called me often and I always got butterflies whenever he did.  Then he stopped calling.  He just stopped.  Then today, after not hearing from him for several days, I get an email.  Perhaps I am undateable because I pick guys that don't want to date.  I think I might be a serial loser date.

Boy Crazy
I don't like to admit that I am boy crazy but I really really am.  I am always checking some guy on the train, on the bus, on the street, in the office, wherever.  I feel alive when some guy catches my eye.  It's like in the Color Purple when Shug says that it is a sin to walk past the color purple and not notice.  When you see beauty, I say acknowledge it.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not ogling every guy that I see on the street.  I am not some wolf howling at every bare chested hottie I see.  But  I do like to look.  And I like men and boys of every size, race, and personality.

Happy Birthday to my soon to be boyfriend Rufus Wainwright

Perpetually Single

I am 35 now.  I have been since November and I will be 36 this coming November.  I don't think that I am so horrible looking monster.  I don't have any offending body odors.  I don't have a lot of money but I do have some style and class.  I definitely have a good sense of humor.  And I am embarrassedly honest and sincere.    Tell me why I am still single.

Whose Life is this?
 
It really is a shame that this is my first post in a week.  Last week was one of the most fulfilling week in the last 2-3 years.
 
Lets begin on Sunday.  I went to the opening of Weddings of Mass Destruction written and performed by GayCo and produced by The Second City (my old bosses).  I got really dressed up because I was trying to impress a guy that works with the company.  A really cute guy, named B, who flirted heavily with me at Pride.
 
B didn't really show me any attention that day and I felt kind of stupid.  The next day, he called and was cool about it.  Even though I was getting a sense that he was avoiding me, I realize that people are busy and lives that don't have anything to do with me.  He agreed to meet me that night at the park to see an invited dress performance of a Second Ciy show at Theatre on the Lake.  The show wasn't very good.  The cast was still struggling with what the final version of the show would be.  I suggested that he and I leave.  We did.
 
Now let me state that things were going off from the beginning.  B was 45 minutes late and he had a bit of 'tude, like he didn't want to be there.  I thought our evening was unspectacular but I still enjoyed being with him.  I haven't really heard from him since.  Tuesday, I sort of expected not to hear from him but when I called him on Wednesday, how surprised was I that he never returned my call, not even to today.  I sent him an email but I just  can't call him.  If I call and he blows me off, I will feel more stupid than ever.
 
So that is just the beginning of the week.  I tought my class on Wednesday at Second City.  I was a bit emotional because I felt bad about being rejected.  I ended channeling that energy in a positive way by telling my students how important they were and how I was so glad that they signed up for the workshop.  I went on telling them that I hope that I have been a good enough teacher/instructor (hello!  Needy gay black man coming through).
 
Thursday I hung out with Paul S.  I hadn't seen him since he attended the opening of the GayCo show.  He assumed that I was having a whirlwind romance with B but I was not.  I was being needy with my students and getting massively high at home.
 
Friday afternoon I had an audition for a fast food company.  They are introducing a new sub sandwich.  We had to improvise a scened from a movie and incorporate the sandwich in our presentation.  The movie they chose for us was a Star Trek film.  I have seen the first 2 or 3 Star Trek films but not being a sci-fi fan, I really don't remember them that well.  I sucked.  I was awful but I did get to eat a free sub.
 
Friday night, GayCo hosted a benefit.  It was a "gay wedding reception" to tie in their show, Weddings of Mass Destruction.  I was excited to go but after being dissed by B, I opted out. 
Instead Paul S and I went to see Spiderman 2.  I loved it!  It is one of the best action movies I have ever seen.  If you haven't seen the first film, I don't think the experience will be as fulfilling.  I did see the first film and I loved the 2nd.  It had everything in one movie, action, comedy and romance.
 
Saturday was another movie night, this time with Jason, Paul S' brother.  He loves comedy and he and I have a similar comic sensibility.  We saw Anchorman.  It was not as good as Spiderman 2 but that is like saying that a cheesburger isn't as good as a T-bone. 
 
Sunday started with a call from old friend.  We decided to get together and check out the new Millennium Park downtown.  It really is spectacular.  I will write more about the park later.  That is a wholde seperate entry.  My friend Danny F and I were joined by his current beau Lim.  We were later joined by another friend, Tim. 
 
Tim is fun and young and reckless.  I love to hang with him from time to time.  Tim and I went to Big Chicks after the park.  Lim and Danny went off to do couple's stuff.  Tim and I drank vodka lemonade after vodka lemonade.  Then we commenced to getting as high as we could before we scooted our asses out on Chicago's less than hopping gay life on Sunday in Uptown.  We managed to find some trouble to get into when I noticed I had a voicemail message.  It was my mother.
 
Mother goes to bed so early, it is ridiculous so I knew something must be wrong if she is leaving me a message at 11 pm on Sunday night.  Apperently, my niece had a bad fall and was in brain surgery.  I freaked.  My niece is less than a year old and while my sister and I don't get along at all, I still don't want anything terrible to happen to her children.  It was an awful turn.  On top of the bad news, I was drunk.  I actually had another vodka after I spoke to Mom.  I wasn't sure what else to do.  I was stunned. 
 
I went home called my best friend Dan G and he helped relax me.  When I woke up yesterday morning, I had slept through a message from Mom that said that my niece made it through surgery and they just had to see what was happening next.  When I spoke with my mother later in the day, she said that my niece had awakened from surgery.  Things were looking very optimistic.  The whole experience was pretty surreal.
 
Yesterday, I have to say, I never felt more alive.

Gay Marriage
Senator Kerry and Senator Edwards, Listen up! If you want my vote, I suggest that you give me yours. Why are they on the campaign trail while the Republicans are trying to oppress a whole segment of the American population. There is only the very slightest doubt that the Federal Marriage Act will pass. In all likelihood, it will not. However, If Kerry and Edwards want me to follow them then they should choose NOW to lead. Stand up to the moralists and right-wingers. Tell them that they are wrong. Tell them that they are not protecting the American Family but defining it according o their own personal religious beliefs. And since "God Hates Fags" then America must hate fags too. Stop playing politics with my life. Kerry and Edwards, Listen up! Stand up! Speak out loudly! Thank you.

Goodnight Sweet Isabel
Isabel Sanford, 'Jeffersons' star, dies. She was a fine lady and she had the best laugh. Once in 1990, I was visiting my family in LA, Isabel phoned on my last night in town to wish me well but I was at the laundermat. My stepmother went crazy. She couldn't believe that Weezie was calling the house. She sent my younger brother to the laundermat to find me and tell me to call "Weezie" right away. I did. That was probably the last time I spoke to her.

Not that I am jealous...but I am
First Black Gay Series to Premiere in Hollywood

Thank You Whoopi
F@C!! Me @#!!

Drunk Naked Teens
I found this story on-line about some NJ Teens. I hope to god they were driving a stick shift

.

So much has happened since my last post. I have been so busy. I had some post ideas but I just haven't had the time to post them.

I'll just hit the headlines of my life.

35 Year-Old Actor Visits Doctor for Check-up; All is Well
35 Year-Old Actor Visits Dentist During Reagan's Funeral; Confused Over Which Experience is More Painful.
Gay Man Plays Hookie from Work.
Actor Continues to Audition Despite His Inability to Land Roles.
Distraught Son Mourns the 1 Year Anniversary of Dad's Death
Actor Pip Lilly Marches in Gay Pride Parade.
Actor Reports Not to Hate Experience.
Actor Meets Cute Man at Pride
Mother Visits for 4th of July Weekend.
Mother and Gay Son Rained On for Most of Weekend.
Gay son attends fireworks without having a panic attack.
Christian mother listens as gay son giggles like a school girl while talking to perspective boyfriend.


I recently found a man with great eyes and a warm smile. His name is Blaine and I he is so sweet. Last night we shared our first peck. I can't wait until we progress to full blown making out

Good News
Anita Baker has a new album

Why don't we see more Black Gay Characters on TV

The world will never run out of stories aboutassholes

It takes Courage and Pride
When you live in a big metropolitan city like I do, it is much easier to be out and survive but what if you live in
Conway,Arkansas?

I took The Disney Villains Personality Test and found out I was a Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Really?

Here Cum da judge, here Cum da judge
Here Comes The Judge

There are so many things to discuss that I won't. I'm not ready to talk about Father's Day. I am not ready to talk about moving from Chicago but I would like to talk about children and guns.

Finally some News I can use

Oh Kirstie
'If I'm Fat, I'm Fat'

Reagan will never die
Now that Reagan is no longer the leading story, I really and truly express my disdain for the man as President and as a human being. I think the man was vile, racist, and homophobic. As a black gay man I have many reasons not to like the man.

Most of America forgets that Reagan announced his 1980 candidacy for President in Mississippi. Mississippi at the time was still clinging to many of its ol' confederate ways. It had only been less than 20 years since civil rights worker were killed there fighting for equal voting rights, a very basic constitutional right (like marriage). Reagan announced his presidency here with the promise of less government or more "states rights." Translation: I'm going let you treat the niggers, kikes, and fags anyway you go old boys see fit.

Let us also note that while he was an affirmed believer in "state's rights" yet he supported the policies of South Africa, which was an Apartheid state at the time. On one hand he supports the people and not the government having the power to control their lives but as long as the people aren't dark skinned indigenous people.

Reagan also is lauded for putting Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court but this same man painted a portrait of the black woman as the "Welfare Queen." As a matter of fact, the Reagan administration coined the term. The actual "Welfare Queen" that had several cars, homes and too many children while she received multiple checks has never been proven. Of course, if you hear something long enough....it must be true, right? Wrong. There never was a "Welfare Queen." It was propaganda that only served to degrade an already oppressed group of people that included my single mother who worked her ass off to take care of three children. We managed but it was no thanks to the Reagans. While my mother added filler to her ground beef to stretch it out so that all of her children could eat, the Reagans were throwing some of the most lavish dinner parties and spectacles the White House has ever seen.

I grew up in Peoria. The first time I ever heard of AIDS was in 1983. It was the end of my freshman year of high school. As a state requirement, freshman had to pass a semester of Speech. I used to earn extra cash by writing speeches for other students to use. My only requirement besides cash only was that the student had to provide the supporting material (articles, books, etc.) Renee Tyler, a friend of mine, was a regular customer and a dancer. She had dance magazines that talked about this new disease that was taking its toll in the dance community.

That was 1983. In 1983, 1,503 Americans died of AIDS. Reagan never even acknowledged there was such a disease. It was not that important apparently. As a matter of fact, Reagan mentions the word "AIDS" in public for the first time in response to a reporters questions on September 17, 1985. Official US deaths attributed to AIDS 1985 and earlier: 12,591 (but don't worry folks, it was mostly fags and druggies). More info.

Happy Flag Day
Supreme Court Case on Pledge Is Dismissed on Technicality

Ronald Reagan is Still Dead
I don't want to beat a dead horse (pun certainly not intended) but this Reagan mess goes on and on. Do you know how much it cost this nation to celebrate and bury that SOB? Here is an excerpt from an article on the Village Voice website

As campaign advertising, Reagan's funeral is unparalleled. A D.C. official told the Los Angeles Times on Wednesday that the district had already incurred $2.3 million in expenses for employees in police, transit, public works, and other departments. While it's hard to gauge exactly what the week's events will cost the public, you can get a rough idea by looking at the cost to the government of shutting down for one day of snow: $66 million. The federal work force shuts down completely on Friday and was on liberal leave Wednesday, with people going home in the early afternoon. The L.A. Times noted that a day's payroll expense for the entire federal workforce is $423 million, and Friday's state holiday for the California government will run an estimated $58.9 million. And this doesn't include the costs to other local governments, not to mention the expense of hauling Reagan's body back and forth across the country on government planes—and other incidentals, such as the F-15 flyover during the procession to the Capitol.
Full article: Reagan is a Motherfucker

We still haven't even counted the advertising revenue that networks lost during the commercial free nationally televised event, the airfares for his family, security, and personal friends. Even in death theat...Motherfucker.

He's back

Marion Barry seeks D.C. council seat

Americans at their Finest
I question our right to bear arms.

Design a Cereal Box

Better than the Reagan FuneralSite of the day

American Idol -- Two Weeks Later
For those of you like me who an't wait until Fantasia's single drops on Tuesday June 15; for those of you who can't wait for the kids to come to your hometown; and for those of you who definitely can not wait 6 months for more, I present to you a funny
American Idol recap by Q. Allan Brocka

Saved
Earlier today I wrote a very long post about how much I enjoyed the movie Saved, which I saw last night with my friend JC (no kidding). Technology is not my friend this week apperently, and I ended up losing the entry before I could post it.

I will try to write about it later but I have to get to work now. I will say this much. Go see Saved.

This was the best moment of the whole Tony Awards Ceremony. It may not be traditional Broadway fare but it was great TV. 

I don't know if this will work but if this does, be prepared for onelarge baby

Gay Holiday
Thank you to the lovely people in Philadelphia who prove once again why they call it the City of Brotherly Love

Cliche Alert
Drunk driving arrest for '80s sitcom star

Back Story
Ever so often, I have to get back to basics and write about something other than little blurbs I pick up in the media or on the web. Today is one of those days.

First, a little back history. I had a sore back last week. Nothing special, your regular garden variety sore back with all the tightness and aching that comes with. This weekend I experienced another level of back problems -- PAIN. I have been very fortunate in that I have lived 35 years on this planet and I have never had back pain. On Friday night, I was a total whore. My neighbor and I went bar hopping which led to bed hopping.l I met this cute, blond, catholic boy from Missourri and we did sexual things that are forbidden in some parts of the world. It is was great. However, I woke up on Saturday and I couldn't twist or turn my torso without back pain on my mid and lower right side of my back. This was not severe pain. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would give Saturday's pain a 5. It wsa inconvenient but something I could live with for a day. Sunday I awoke very early in the morning around 4 or 5 am with the most severe back pain I have ever experienced. I was in so much pain, this was definately a 7 or 8 in the pain department. To make matters worse, because of the position that I had slept in the night before, my lower back muscles tightened all over. I could hardly breath. I couldn't turn; I couldn't breath; and I was in pain. AAAAHHHHHHH!

I called my best friend Patchy in Brooklyn. Patchy has chronic back problems. He was broken (physically) when I met him. Patchy talked me through my back crisis. He gave me lots of advice on what stretches to do and when to do them. He told me what to take and to talk to a pharmicist because it was Memorial Day Weekend and I couldn't get to my doctor. I originally was going to go to the ER but Patchy saved me a trip. THANKS PATCHY.

There are many perks to working downtown. There is the Chicago Metropolitan Correctional Facility, a building full of some of the most vile and sexy men you could ever want to meet. There is the usual assortment of "Crazies." And there is the Farmer's Market every Tuesday and Thursday. I love the Farmer's Market. There is something sensual about buying strawberries and tomatoes from Indiana. Actually, I love Farmer's Markets anywhere but I do enjoy that such an industrial city gives space to local merchants to sell their fresh wares.

A little Kander and Ebb on Thursday
When it all come true
Just the way you planned
It's funny but the bells don't ring
It's a quiet thing
When you hold the world
In your trembling hand
You think you'd hear a choir singing
But it's a quiet thing
There are no exploding fire works
Where's the roaring of the crowd
Maybe it's the strange new atmosphere
Way up here among the clouds

Happiness comes in on tiptoe
Well, what do you know
It's a quiet thing
A very quiet thing...

Congratulations Fantasia. 

Just because the Idol is over doesn't mean that we can't still be tortured by the worst singers in America at this site that features the American Idol Audition Kit

Did ya hear
MTV has got a gay network

The More You Have the More You Get
This rule is so true, isn't it. 3 months ago I quit my job. I immediately started the hunt for the next job. I auditioned for something new nearly every week. I was just offered a gig for next week but guess what? I have to be honorable and a man of my word and come into work as the "number cruncher." I have to turn down the day's work in order to take 3 months worth of work. If I was starving and needed that acting job, I would have never landed it. It is funny how that works.

Get that Sperm a drink
Boy born from 21-year-old sperm - May 25, 2004

Definately a Good Witch

One of the many fond memories I have of performing in the West End was working with Carole Shelley.

All Hail the King
This weekend, I rented The Richard Pryor Show on DVD. I loved it. You always hear people talk about shows being ahead of its time but this show really delivers in that category. There are scenes that would have trouble passing the censors today. I can't believe that this show ever aired, especially on NBC in 1977 (including a scene where a woman describes a lesbian tryst she had in the park with one of her neighbors).

There are only 4 episodes because Mr. Pryor quit because of the battles with censors. Richard Pryor is a genius and his supporting cast includes Paul Mooney, Sandra Bernhardt, Tim Reid, Jimmy Martinez, John Witherspoon, Shirley Hemphill, LaWanda Page, Marsha Warfield, and Robin Williams.

People just don't seem to like the gays
What is wrong with people?

Happy Birthday to the one and only Patti Labelle. 

Religious Materials
I come from a very religious family. From time to time I receive some of the stupidest faith based emails from them. Next time I receive some dumb ass inspirational story or such, I am going to send them one of these. While we are on the subject, why do you need an account for a religious ministry website?

I love Drag Queens 

Not what I thought at all
CNN.com - Kerry camp makeup criticized - Apr 29, 2004

Did I miss something?
Get Out Your Boards: Extreme Ironing May Soon Be Hot

Petty Shit
I love the idea of chivalry BUT.....many of the customs are so out-dated and not useful in present day society. I have noticed in the 4 weeks that I have worked in the Sears Tower that women are offended if you don't let them exit the elevator first. In this day and age that women are fighting to be equals, somethings need to give. It seems to me that customs such as allowing a lady to go before you is another heterosexual rite. As a gay man, the whole idea is stupid to me. I am not trying to bed any woman (although I would love to have a sleepover with Tina Fey). I have deadline and schedules to keep. So many times I have allowed some woman to exit before me only to have her walk at the slowest pace possible in front of me. when I am ready to go -- I am ready to go.

Mean Girls
Mean Girls is a great movie. I actually laughed out loud several times. Mean Girls receives two big ups from me.

J. Anthony Brown is Gay
I am so tired of comics using homophobia as an easy laugh. I am a daily listener to the Tom Joyner Morning Show. It is a great chance for me to stay abreast with what is on the mind of Black America. They also play some of my favorite R & B tunes. I have to tell you though, I am tired, tired, tired, tired, tired of cheap jokes at the expense of gays. J. Anthony Brown is a comic that almost on a daily basis questions makes a gay joke. If he is not making fun of gays directly, then he is speculating on whether someone is gay. I don't know people but where I'm from, the dudes that talked the most about gays usually turned out to be gay. I don't care how many white girls you drape on your arm, if you are that obsessed with gays...You must be gay. So, I welcome my newest black sister to the fold. J. Anthony Brown come on down, you are so gay. *JOKES PEOPLE JOKES*

Motown 45 was a disaster. The best thing about the whole night was Ms. Knight. Gladys Knight is a true star. She always has been and always will be. The rest of the lot was pathetic. Wayne Brady...please, please, please don't do another Stevie Wonder classic ever again. 

Ugly Dress.com is too entertaining 

Gay Marriage
Everyone will be writing ad nasuem about this subject so I might as well throw in my $.02 on the matter. I officially came out in 1991. I first told my friend Steve in that spring, followed by everyone at NIU , where I attended grad school that fall. I came out to my family that winter and I have never had a closeted day since. I never thought about gay marriage. I have to be honest and say that in the early 90s, I never heard anyone talk about gay marriage. The debate wasn't whether gay marriage will happen or not. There was no debate. It was a non-issue. Hats off to the courts in Massachuttes. However, let us not forget that most Americans live with this reality.

Thrills
The carnival and street festival season has begun in Chicago. Just yesterday, my friend Dawn and one of her ya-yas took me to a carnival at a public park. I had a corn dog, a trip one the tilta-whirl, a funnel cake, another ride, more tilta-whirl, another ride, more tilta-whirl, and then I felt sick. It was great. I couldn't stop laughing.

Mary J will perform at the Tonys? OK?!?. 

Website of the Day

Even Abe Lincoln?
I still hate Republicans

Buddies
The first gay bar I ever went to was Buddies which closed last month. When I came out in 1991 I was 22 going on 23. I lived in DeKalb, IL and was a first year grad student at Northern Illinois University. At the time, I was fairly inexperienced in most things in life. My life had been sheltered and my experiences retarded by an overbearing, oppressive, and religious upbringing. That year, in that place, I met a man by the name of Michael Pallansch. Michael was such a sweetheart and he was out and bold. He was from Minnesota and had come to DeKalb via Upper Wisconsin.

One night, Michael suggested that we drive into the city and go to a gay bar. Neither one of us knew much about Chicago but I was game for leaving the cornfields and hitting the big city that has now become my home for 10 years.

Michael and I set out with very sketchy directions about getting to "Boys Town." We knew to exit Lake Shore Drive at Belmont and not to go past Clark St. I think Michael and I drove around for a good 45 minutes wondering if we were in the right place and trying to figure out where to park. I had seen an ad for Buddies in a gay rag so when we saw the sign on the corner of Clark and Aldine, I knew we should park and go inside. Michael and I had a great dinner and drinks. We also shared something special that night. That night I kissed a man on the lips in public for the first time ever. It doesn't seem like such a big deal but at the time it was so liberating.

Michael and I broke up at the end of the at first year of grad school. Michael moved back north. I think he lives in Minneapolis now. I finished grad school and moved to Chicago. I have been to Buddies several times since that first experience with Michael but none will ever be as sweet as the first. Every time I went to Buddies in the last 10 years, I can't help but remember the innocence and joy of that night with Michael. I will miss you Buddies.

I was just talking about this subject last night.
Rainbow Network

Hey Fatty!  

Wow that is one fat ass raccoon
Chicago Tribune | Rotund raccoon's record life ends

Pip in 10 years 

SDJ
Sammy Davis Jr. is a personal hero but if he were a contestant on the Idol, he would have never made it. Of course, if it had not been for performers like Davis, you would NEVER see blacks and whites on the same stage with equal billingSammy Davis Jr. Dies at 64; Top Showman Broke Barriers

Idol Chatter
Okay, bad choice America. Really bad choice. LaToya London was my number one pic from the final 32 shows I remember how great she looked. She had poise; she dressed great; and a flawless sound. When the final 12 was assembled, she was my star pic and Jennifer Hudson was my heart pic. (NOTE:they never really showed LaToya in the preliminaries but they showed Jennifer a lot and I loved her). Around week 3 or 4, I was temping at the Big Ad Agency, I was discussing the Idol with one of the employees of the Big Ad Agency and he was disgusted that I wasn't a huge Fantasia Barrini fan. I vowed to give Fantasia another once over and that is when I fell in love with Fantasia. I can't believe that LaToya would finish anywhere below second place but I don't worry for her. Like Hudson, she will probably get a better recording contract then one that the Idol offers.

Other Idol Notes
Let me preface this by saying that I love Donna Summer but last night she looked like a line backer in a wig. That suit was unflattering and that wig...that wig has had its last dance (I hope).

Jasmine Trias is not white
For those of you Black people that are out there saying that Idol is racist, get over it. The winners are chosen by vote. I don't understand why people choose who they choose. I have heard people say that they don't like Fantasia because she is too sassy when she gets her critique. Hey, I think that is a stupid reason not to vote for her but this is America and they have the right to believe what they want, even if it is stupid.

PS Black America, Jasmine Trias is Hawaiian. Not white. Stop showing your ignorance by calling her white.

Birthdays
Today is the birthday of three distinguished men I love:
Armistead Maupin, Stevie Wonder, and Bea Arthur.

Don't you see Tennessee?
Isn't the name Dollywood Gay enough?

David Reimer, RIP
I remember seeing Mr. Reimer on several talk shows. He was handed such a hard hand and he dealt with it. Unfortunately, he had so many tragedies in the last few years.

John Whitehead, RIP
R & B legend (Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now, Backstabbers, I'll Always Love My Mama)was murdered.

I Hate Republicans
I don't need to remind myself but it is good to say it aloud (or in song)from time to time.

Coolest White Woman Ever
I am so glad that Teena Marie is back and still kickin' it old skool style.

Real World Kansas
People are still getting in trouble for this?

Good Bye A**Hole
I never thought I could find relief in the death of another. Apperantly, I can.

Nappy No More
Is this really a problem?

Think Pink
When I was a little kid, no one wore pink but women and sissies. These days pink belongs to the straight guy. What happened?

Hey Ma, Hey Pa
Damn, I was looking forward to this.

When Pigs Fly
When will my best friend finish his website?

I got new headshots recently. Here I am below.

Pip LillY:Still in Showbiz but now I am serious 

Pip Lilly:Smile, I'm in showbiz 

Gay Marriage
I am behind in some of my reading. Here is an article that has been on my list but I just got to it. It is fucked up.

Weekend
This past weekend was very lackluster. Several things happened but I don't know if any are blogworthy. Of course, having said that, I am going to be on a ramble now.

Game Night
Paul S invited me over on Saturday night to hang with him, his brother, his sister, and his bro's girlfriend. We played the game Cranium. I was a Cranium virgin but we all took to the game pretty quickly. It should be noted that Paul S. is not a gamer by anyone's definition. He is soooo sweet and nice and protective...OF THE OTHER TEAM. Listen up everyone, if you don't play by the rules then you are not playing the game.

It was great to hang out with Paul and his family. He and I have created a lot of history in the 3 years that we have known each other. If I am not mistaken. He and I met about 3 years ago this month. I took him to a party on Gay Pride Day that same year. He surprised me the day of the party when he invited his brother to come along. The party was held at my friend Tim's apartment overlooking the parade route. It was at that same party that Paul's brother met his current girlfriend.

Fuck L.A., Only in NYC
Hugs anyone?

Alan King, RIP
I never even got to attend a roast.

Broadway Baby
The 2004 Tony Award nominations were announced this morning. Alas, I did not make the list. Where is Carole Shelley's name?

I have been waiting all week to write. I hate when I get too busy. This past week I was ill for most of the week so I was a day behind for the rest of the week. I never did figure out what was wrong with me but it is safe to say that I felt like pure dogshit. I even missed a performanc on Tuesday. The whole time that I worked for The Second City, I never once missed a performance. This past week just couldn't be helped. You know that feeling you have after the flu. Groggy, extreme fatigue, sore, etc. That is how I felt all week until yesterday.

Everyone was telling me, "oh, you're just tired," or "you just did too much over the weekend." Well, you know what? I know my body and this was more than "just tired."

Idol
Goodbye George Huff. You done good boy! Now it is all down to the ladies. I love it. I love a woman who can sing (or sang, as they used to say at my church). My pick is Fantasia, all the way.

Boys
I am saying this today but by the time the evening comes, I will have changed my point of view. I need a break from boys. More specifically, I have got to stop looking at every guy I see. I'm starting to think of myself as uncool. I don't know, I must have been just born a horny dog but boys, boys, boys, boys, boys. STOP IT.

Friends
I watched the series finale last night. I will admit it now to the world, I cried. I was so touched by the performances and there were some really funny bits. And this is so wrong but I cried when Ross and Rachel got together. It was the most romantic thing I have ever seen on TV.

Working
My temp position is rolling along. I am a finance person for the next three months. It really is too bad that I can't seem to get my own finances in order but hopefully job will do a lot towards changing that. Today no one is in the office except construction workers. The entire office is out doing volunteer work. They asked me would I mind being the receptionist for the day. Of course I don't mind making 40% more (I get more money because I am in finance vs. reception) sitting here answering phones for an office that is closed. That sounds like my dream job. The dream sucks. I am basically manning an office by myself. I have to answer phones, check the mail, mail out checks, answer questions for the construction guys and I haven't had a break in 5 1/2 hours and my day isn't over for another 4 1/2 hours. Isn't that illegal? Oh Lordy, I done angered you Lordy and now I be in administrative hell Lordy!

Down Low
In case you are not a Black man or you don't watch Oprah (no way I just tied those two groups together), there is thing called the Down Low or the DL. Basically, these are closeted men but it goes further because most of them have unprotected sex and many are putting themselves, and the women that love them, at a high risk for Sexually Transmitted Diseases including HIV and AIDS. As an openly gay black man it is dificult for me to look the other way. I have been debased and put down my entire life by these DL brothers, many of whom are terribly homophobic. It is time for the African-American community to be honest and forthright in matters of health and sexuality. The statistics of new HIV cases is abnormally high among Af-Americans especially women. Something is very very wrong. Many Af-Americans are quick to attend church every Sunday where they jump for joy, sing in the choir, and yell "amen" to the preacher. "Oh Lord," many cry, "forgive me for my sins." The biggest sin is to sit in silence when a serious health issue is at a crisis. The real sin is the hypocrite that looks me in my eye and shuns me because I am gay and not masculine enough for their taste. The same guy still would sleep with me in a bathhouse, no questions asked. I have spotted so many DL Church Boys on the rare occasion that I do go out. Most of the Af-American DL Church Boys I see in Chicago live on the far South Side and South suburbs. They travel up to the North side in order to find sex and so that no one from there church will know. I know boys. I know and I am tellin'

The weather outside is awful but I am so happy to have reached Friday. I have been a little preoccupied over the last two weeks. I started a new temp job at a consulting firm in the Sears Tower. This week also marked the return of Dave from Boom. Boom Chicago is a high energy, crowd-pleasing sketch comedy/improv comedy out of Amsterdam. They are in town to perform as the opening of the Chicago Improv Festival. The festival and Boom aren't nearly as important as Dave.

Dave is so sweet. He is super talented, which can be very sexy. He also has one of the best smiles and his eyes sparkle when he speaks about music, improv, weed, or sex. Speaking of sex, I had some last night. I don't want this to be the forum where I brag about my sexual exploits. However, after the recent sexual draught that I experienced while touring, it feels great to be getting some johnnycock. I am running on next to no sleep now because of work, my comedy troupe, and Dave. These combined elements make me smile in the bedroom and sleepy in the office space. But I keep going on. I have been at work now for about 45 minutes and it is only 8:30 am. After work, I will go home for a nap and then head to the Second City for a Minority Outreach event and then I will head to the opening of Chicago Improv Festival. Then I will fuck Dave's brain out. In the morning I will teach. In the afternoon, I will sleep. In the evening, I'm not sure. In the later evening, I will give Dave some going away sex (aren't I generous).

Okay, it has been too long since I have written. I have been mad crazy busy. I accepted a 4 month stint at a "real job". I work downtown in the Sears Tower as the temp finance coordinator while the real coordinator goes on maternity leave. I have no background in finance. It is amazing that I am here. The pay is good and I can still go to auditions during my lunch hour.

It's Tuesday so it must be Idol night. I have to admit that after last week's offensive elimination of Jennifer Hudson from the contest that I am a little leery about watching the rest of the season. I really should not worry about Ms. Hudson, ol' gurl gonna be just fine. I'm sure she already has record contract offers and what a voice on that one. And life is what it is. Sometimes being good or even exceptional is just not enought and that's life Honey. Tonight is Latin music, this should at least be interesting.
There are very exciting things for me to write about: American Idol, The Second City, corporate America, dating, etc. but I will have to save them for later.

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to pull himself up because no one is there. I have had that experience many times even as a child. Last week, it happened again.

I finished my temp assignment at the Big Ad Agency and found myself unemployed once again. It couldn't have been the worse week to be broke. And don't forget that this will affect my finances for at least two weeks. I'm late with rent. My social life lately has been keeping Paul S. company. Paul had surgery this past weekend so he should be doing well soon. I'm getting off topic. I was feeling sorry for myself last week. I was broke and broken.

Yesterday, my friend Danny invited me over dinner and would you believe it? It lifted my spirits. I got up this morning and went to rehearsal. Rehearsal went well. I talked to my temp agency and landed a 4 month temp position for the summer.

It's a gay world afterall The whole world seems to have gone gay. I won't find it. I will even tune into Gaydar.

Life in your 30s I know that my life is not typical. I don't care about typical anymore. I have come to realize that life is a race and in a race, you never want to be looking at anything but the finish line. You can't worry about the other runners. You can't focus on what they are wearing or if they seem to be better off than you or even ahead of you. The race is not given to the swift, nor the strong, but to the one that endures to the end.

I spent most of the weekend stuck in my apartment. Mostly for financial reasons. I just couldn't afford to go out and paint the town red. I already had some weed. I bought some vodka and I rented some movies. I also had to prepare for an audition that I have tomorrow at Noon.

Let me run down the weekend for you. Friday was tough. I was bored and tired. I worked all day at the Big Ad Agency and I had to work in the morining at SC teaching my class. I got home about 6 pm and I immediately started to get high. I have to be honest and say that I don't remember much past this moment except for talking to Dan G later in the night.

Saturday, I taught in the am. One of my students bought the whole training center staff a 10 lb bar of chocolate. I ate a lot of chocolate and then I took off for the video store. I rented three flicks.

1. Something's Gotta Give. A yawner for sure at least the first 50 minutes. I really didn't care about this movie until Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson have their sex scene. From that point I was with it until the end of the movie. Nicholson and Keaton have such great chemistry and look awesome on screen together. I really bought into their relationship.

2. Girls Will Be Girls. The best movie I have never heard of. There are times that you have to trust your gut and rent an indy. I do all the time but this was the best. It was campy, funny, over-the-top, and really fun. Jack Plotnick has been good in everything I have seen in him (even though I didn't know his name). Clinton Leupp is another one of those actors that I have seen in other projects and just didn't know who he was. And I have the hugest crush on Jeffery Roberson. I love him as a woman and as a man....excuse me...but I'm a little conflicted right now.

If you see this movie in your video store, rent it. As a matter of fact, get off your ass and make an effort to rent it. DO IT!

3. The Eye. Eeeh. What can I say? It was okay. It was like a smart version of "The Ring." I won't say that it was bad but I won't say that it was great either. It was a perfectly fine diversion. Truth be told, I watched this one Sunday night an I fell asleep (probably too much weed and vodka).

Previous to my Saturday night video session, I read Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor. I have an audition on Tuesday for a production of this show.I also watched SNL with Donald Trump. I have some friends who work on Saturday Night Live and I love to see their work and their names in the credits. It was also a fun show.

Sunday was my first day off in two weeks. I slept in. I watched Girls Will Be Girls again. I took a long hot bath. I walked in the sunshine through the park and then I rented some porn. I went home, watched The Simpsons, talked to Paul S., cooked dinner, and watched The Eye.

It was a pretty good weekend.

Downtown Birds Okay, yesterday I saw two ducks crossing Michigan Ave but today I saw something disturbing. Natural but disturbing. I saw a hawk with a rat in his mouth. I just happen to look up as I was approaching the Wrigley Building for my last day of temping at the Big Ad Agency and there was a big bird with a big rodent in his beak. I'm glad the hawk didn't drop it. I hate rodents.

The sun is shiny and it is Friday but I am so unmotivated today. I think I might have herbalized a little too much last night. I was on the phone with my best friend Dan G. for 2 full hours last night. Dan G. (or Patchy Scarback as I like to call him) lives in Brooklyn and I am contemplating a move to NYC in the fall. He and I had a very long, frank, and dificult conversation about growing older and fear.

In my 20s, I really wasn't afraid of much. I had no fear of failure. My biggest fear was growing old alone. I remember telling more than one person that I was always afraid that I would be hugely successful and I would have no one to share it with. Now that fear of failure has changed me. I think this fear developed when I was castin the London production of Showboat. I remember thinking that Susan Stroman was going to fire me in rehearsal because my dancing was subpar. I was terrified. I didn't get fired but I did get some shit from some of the older black ensemble members. It was rough because it was the black gay men that were tearing me down. I was always brought up to help your own but that was not what I experienced and it changed me profoundly. It was the first time in my life that not only could I fail but there would be a group of people waiting to celebrate my fall.


Ectasy Last night I watched Primetime Thursday on ABC. Today, all I can think about it is how to score some good X. I want it! I want it! I want it! Here is something enlightening from last night's program: Are you aware that the US government lies to us? Are you aware that the main reason that Ectasy is illegal in the states is because it makes people feel good and some people when they feel good like to party and you can not party and feel good at the same time.

Trump-tastic I can't get enough of The Apprentice. When the show first hit the airwaves, I was in Europe so I missed like the first 3-4 weeks. Thanks to some programming wizard at NBC, I did catch up. I just love the concept of the show. Anyone that has ever been to a job interview can relate on some level to the contestants. However, like good reality TV, this job interview is cranked up over the top. I think Troy made a terrible mistake in going up against Kwame last night but I don't think he would have beat Bill. I would have liked to see the two (Bill and Troy) in the boardroom though. Bill is smart but so is Troy in a more non-traditional manner. I think if you checked in with Bill, Kwame, and Troy 10 years from now, Troy is going to be the wealthiest. He has good instincts and a lot of passion.